An Exercise in Honesty

One of the most daunting challenges I faced when writing this book was having complete control of the narrative. The blank canvass. Although, having that level of control was exactly why I chose to write this book myself - when faced with the prospect of endless possibilities it becomes a little frightening.

If I have one regret in the process, I would have done a lot more pre-planning. Developing the storyline and organizing an outline would have saved me a lot of re-work. At the outset, I thought 80 - 100,000 words would allow me every opportunity to tackle every topic I wanted to address.  That was a mistake. Having never written a manuscript of this length I had no idea how fast you can start racking up the word count without any sense of direction. With a little more discipline I could have easily have avoided following the shiny object that didn't add anything to the story.

It was after the second draft where I really started to look at what I had written and trying to identify some key themes. Then I had to take those themes and try to draft them into something that would be an interesting story. The extent of my success is yet to be determined.  As the book becomes more widely read, I am sure I will get feedback that will tell me if I was successful or not.

There were many directions I could have taken the book. It could have been a stinging indictment of the health care system - or I could have added controversy for shock value. A story of triumph against insurmountable odds. Was our story inspirational, tragic, or comedic? It could have been all of these. However, the last thing I wanted to write was something that read like the script of a Hallmark Movie of the week.

What I chose to do was tell my story in a very personal way. As honestly as I could. From the perspective of a husband and father. No agenda.  My hope was that men might be able to identify with me and that it might give some wives and mothers an insight as to the male perspective.

With that perspective in mind, I had to think about how different the story would be if it was written by someone other than me and ensure that the story was a genuine portrayal of me and my family. What was my frame of mind? What do I believe? 

In doing so I had to open myself up to criticism. I had to admit to some of the less than stellar moments. What were the four-letter words that I was saying under my breath that I dare not let anyone hear? Under that stoic outward expression what was really going on?

I avoided editorializing.  I provide context and information and let the reader interpret whether we made the right choices. Given what I know now - there might be several decisions that I would like to re-think. 

I can think of only a couple of passages where I provided any editorial comment. I leave that to the reader. This book is not a commentary on the state of health care - although many of the experiences I share certainly expose significant topics of health care policy. 

We had to make many significant decisions without complete information and in many cases had to go with our instinct. I want the reader to feel our frustration and anxiety about making life-changing decisions without a full understanding of the implications. Living with those decisions would make a great subject for my second book ( A second book still makes me wince a little.)

So, yes, this is a patient story, but it's much more than that. The long format allowed me to share the context of our patient story. How our family was created, how we crashed, and how we survived.